Carrying the Weight of the World Wearing Heavy Boots!

Carrying the weight of the world wearing heavy boots!                   Sept 5, 2012

 I remember being a little girl...contemplating the meaning of the world.   I would spend hours looking the magnificent pictures of national geographic, amazed at the wondrous world...daydreaming of all the different cultures, traditions, customs...so unknown to me in rural Wisconsin.  But as always, there was a flip side to this.   I couldn’t grasp how god could be so mean to let people go hungry, sick, without an education...I pondered the injustice of it all....what it meant and if there was a way to fix it.  In short...I was looking for a way to find world peace....and I didn't doubt that was possible at the time.

Things have changed, time has passed...I am weathered and a bit callused.  I like to think that world peace is still possible, but my capacity to dream it is heavy and overwhelmed.  It is a daily struggle trying to figure out if what I am doing is making a difference. 

Geographically, I have made it far from that little girl in small town Wisconsin.  I am now a 31 year old women writing from a hut in a village in southern Africa.  I see everyday what some of those national geographic stories portrayed. 

 Sustainable community development...in theory it is great...empowering individuals...communities that are so used to getting hand outs rather than education, that they don't even realize the power to change is in their hands and they have the ability to do so.  They visualize 'America' as this amazing world they want to be...but the assets and resources they still have...most Americans would save a lifetime for.  It angers me...sometimes...to hear them want a different life....this is a beautiful life and these are beautiful people.  I think..or at least like to think, that is just something else lost In translation.  They want an improved way of life...and I want that for them as well.  Their children are in rags, no shoes, sometimes nowhere to learn, hungry season is profound (more so than my last blog ignorantly protrays), and health care is far and inadequate.  The list could continue.  And yet...the children laugh and play...the adults dance and sing...celebrating what they do have and striving to make change in the community better.

My downfall here is the inability to say no.  Which leads to me being overwhelmed...the fear that I am going to disappoint this community is overwhelming every day.  I am exhausted and terrified...and I only and still have twenty months left of my service.  To be honest though...in one way or another, I think this has been a life long journey that won't end after twenty months.

Why is the worldy pendulum so off balance?  The 20 some years since I pondered this same question has left me with no concrete answer.  The only thing I can conclude is that we are faced with different challenges in life as a way to help complete our souls....maybe earth is just a university for our soul.  Possibly the world is off balance while the universe is swaying just right. 

May the beautiful universe guide you through your lessons.

Peace and love from Zambia